I’m really bad at following up on two-part posts, but here is the conclusion to my broken leg story.
After a brief ambulance ride, I was wheeled into the ER room at the local hospital. Fortunately, it was late at night and the area of the hospital that dealt with bone fractures was pretty much empty. So it was just my friends and me and a doctor and two nurses in the section where I was.
I have to say that this was probably the best hospital experience I have ever had. I was almost worth breaking my leg for. Almost. I could swear that the doctor and nurses were some kind of comedy team. They were hilarious and were cracking jokes and it really lightened the mood for everyone. They took several x-rays and concluded that my fibula was broken along with several tendons or ligaments that had been torn.
The doctor decided that I needed to have my bone set back into place, so they shot me up with morphine. I had never had morphine before. The feeling was a little like being drunk but a little less unpleasant. I think that I must have a very high tolerance to pain medication because I felt every bit of their attempts to set my bone back into place. Even the painkillers that they prescribed never really affected me that much.
They then gave me a set of crutches and showed me how to use them. Also, no driving or walking for six weeks, however I’ve started driving with my left leg.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had general anesthesia, but it is truly weird. Right before the doctor gave me the mask of pure oxygen (yea right) I made a conscious effort to remember myself falling asleep. Well, it doesn’t work that way. The next thing I remember after the doctor put the mask on was waking up in the recovery room. I don’t even remember getting drowsy. Weird.
Waking up is also an interesting experience. Apparently I had been awake for a while before I started remembering anything. From my wife’s descriptions, I was acting pretty much like a brain dead retard. She would talk to me but I wouldn’t even look at her. My first memories after waking up were of seeing my wife showing me my X-rays. I remember seeing them but not being really interested in talking back to her or anyone else. I was in a state of euphoria.
After a while, I was pushed out to the car in a wheelchair and my wife drove me home. It was then that I first noticed that my leg below the knee was completely numb. Actually, it wasn’t just numb, it was paralyzed. I tried wiggling my toes but they didn’t budge. It was a very bizarre feeling, but at least my leg didn’t hurt. I also had a bunch of vicodin that I had been on since I broke my leg. I took a pill before I went to bed that night, just in case the numbness wore off before morning.
Well, this past Monday I had surgery on my broken leg. For those of you who have never been to the hospital, it’s like going to the DMV. Be prepared to do a lot of waiting. I was accompanied by my wife because she had to drive me home after everything is all said and done with. Can’t drive while you’re all doped up. Or if your right leg is broken.
I check in and we sit in the waiting room and chat while I wait until I’m called. After a few minutes we start hearing these weird noises coming from behind the counter. I look over and see that the lady at the front desk is playing Space Invaders on her computer. The really odd thing was that she didn’t bother turning off the sound and it was really loud. Pretty damn funny.
After a while, I get called back. I have to strip down to my underwear and put on those stupid hospital gowns that tie in the back. Of course, most normal people can’t make a knot behind their back so the nurse has to help me with that, and of course check out my sweet ass. The nurse then proceeds to do all the usual doctor stuff like take my temperature and blood pressure. She then spends the next five minutes trying to decide where to stab my arm so she can pump some fluids in me, since by this point I haven’t had anything to eat for about 16 hours.
Next, the anesthesiologist comes in and gives me the option of having my leg numbed before surgery. That way when I wake up, i won’t feel any pain in my leg for a day or so. I agree to this and I get sedated while she gets started. She uses ultrasound to find the nerve in my leg she wants to numb. Then she sticks this huge needle in my leg while I writhe in pain.
“Oh, I must have gone through a tendon,” she says.
Great.
After this I get wheeled into the operating room where it’s off to dreamland.
