FraudWasteAbuse

I’ve been a Star Wars fan as long as I can remember. While I was too young to have seen the original movies when they first were in theaters, I remember watching them on television when I was a kid. I also enjoy a few of the Star Wars game and I’ve even been know to occasionally look at the Unofficial Star Wars Encyclopedia when I’m bored. It doesn’t go much farther than that.

On the other hand, I am not much of a Star Trek fan. I enjoyed several of the movies, but I could never really get into the shows. The shows were too preachy, too predictable, and too full of technobabble. The Prime Directive was annoying and the idea of a utopian future Earth failed to suspend my disbelief.

This leads me into the subject of this post. On one of my previous entries I mentioned a newsgroup I used to read called alt.startrek.vs.starwars. As you could probably deduce from the group’s name, its purpose was to be a place where nerds could gather and debate over whose imaginary spaceships were better. Much of the discussion actually consisted of fan fiction in which posters would write stories set in the universe of Star Trek or Star Wars (or both!) and insert their online persona into the story. While reading some of the hilariously intense debates (aka flamewars) about works of fiction, I came across a few especially serious individuals and internet sites.

One particular real-life character of interest by the name of Wong seemed especially passionate about his love and analysis of Star Wars. Not only would he fiercely argue that Star Wars was clearly superior to Star Trek, he also enjoyed scientifically analyzing Star Trek and Star Wars technology. No detail of the movies was too trivial for a heated, emotional discussion. Wong had no qualms about insulting and putting down those who he felt didn’t have an effective scientific grasp of Star Wars or Star Trek. If you can imagine Richard Dawkins as a Star War fan then you’re beginning to get the idea. He even owns a website which contains much of his analysis. Take this example of his analysis of Star Trek: Insurrection:

Personal Cloaking Devices

Analysis

Much has been made of the personal cloaking devices which were seen in the opening sequence of STI. However, we can see in the film that they are actually not true cloaking devices. Instead, they are using some sort of large-scale hologram system, to create the illusion of invisibility. How do we arrive at this conclusion, which will undoubtedly be hotly contested? There are two critical pieces of substantiating evidence.

1. When the observation post’s camouflage hologram was disrupted by Data’s phaser fire, all of the operatives simultaneously became visible. This indicates that the invisibility of all operatives was dependent upon a central facility.

2. “Cloaked” operatives still cast shadows, as seen in the first screenshot below. This indicates that the objects are not truly invisible. If they were, they would not cast shadows, even when viewed using an advanced sensor system. One could always argue that the “cloaked” operatives are blocking something other than visible light (such as one of the Federation cultists’ never-ending new forms of technobabble subspace-related radiation), but the shadows are clearly being cast in the same direction as the shadows being cast by the buildings, plants, etc. They are therefore being caused by the blockage of light being emitted by that planet’s sun.

The funny thing about people like Wong is that they treat these movies like the directors and editors never make mistakes. Instead of merely accepting that there are shadows because the film makers goofed, he attempts to come up with some absurd technobabble explanation for it all. My favorite part of the quote is when he calls Star Trek fans ‘cultists’, completely ignoring his own fanatic behavior. There’s more great material at that site as well.

My personal favorite recurring debate is over whether or not Alderaan (you know, that planet that the Death Star blew up in the movie) had a planetary shield. Evidence for or against this theory consists of a few frames of film from the first Star Wars movie. But that doesn’t stop obsessed fans from writing huge treatises on the subject. The idea that George Lucas would put such minute details in a movie that, at the time, had no fan base is absurd.

Hopefully, the obsessions of others will become your entertainment.