Well, this past Monday I had surgery on my broken leg. For those of you who have never been to the hospital, it’s like going to the DMV. Be prepared to do a lot of waiting. I was accompanied by my wife because she had to drive me home after everything is all said and done with. Can’t drive while you’re all doped up. Or if your right leg is broken.
I check in and we sit in the waiting room and chat while I wait until I’m called. After a few minutes we start hearing these weird noises coming from behind the counter. I look over and see that the lady at the front desk is playing Space Invaders on her computer. The really odd thing was that she didn’t bother turning off the sound and it was really loud. Pretty damn funny.
After a while, I get called back. I have to strip down to my underwear and put on those stupid hospital gowns that tie in the back. Of course, most normal people can’t make a knot behind their back so the nurse has to help me with that, and of course check out my sweet ass. The nurse then proceeds to do all the usual doctor stuff like take my temperature and blood pressure. She then spends the next five minutes trying to decide where to stab my arm so she can pump some fluids in me, since by this point I haven’t had anything to eat for about 16 hours.
Next, the anesthesiologist comes in and gives me the option of having my leg numbed before surgery. That way when I wake up, i won’t feel any pain in my leg for a day or so. I agree to this and I get sedated while she gets started. She uses ultrasound to find the nerve in my leg she wants to numb. Then she sticks this huge needle in my leg while I writhe in pain.
“Oh, I must have gone through a tendon,” she says.
Great.
After this I get wheeled into the operating room where it’s off to dreamland.
